Tell me more (poem/book#3)
Tell Me More
Went from being fascinated by amethysts, geodes and crystals
to crystal meth.
He said if you want to be an entrepreneur, you’ve got to sell yourself.
So many changes I can’t ignore, teeth, one by one, running so fast out of their door,
I feel like I am running out of time, but I’ve been promised that there will be more.
Career advancement through the oldest global profession,
they’ll pay more if you go raw, you don’t need protection. I’d like it;
Just play the game, you’d turn me on, I’ll take a cut,
I’ll take a cut for you, I will be there, I will be your protection.
Between the two, my job will be the hardest. Your job is easy.
You are already giving all of it away so freely,
and not to mention, you are just really good at it, hear me, why not make money?
No more courtesy rides. Please do that for me. Please do that for me?
Okay? I love you.
I sent a message to this stranger to dig myself in a bit deeper.
I can’t distinguish the difference between a pimp and a reaper,
or a creeper and a preacher.
Everyone is just a seeker.
I wish the signs were true. I wish today I could believe in these astrological truths.
What is your sign? Mine said to stop a real long time ago.
I wish I listened. The music glorifies it. I have not learned my lesson.
My life is not progressing, not the way I’d want it to.
I wonder what I would do if I were you. How would I view my first impression?
He was my baby, he’d ask me to undress him.
He was my reverend, he said my body was a blessing;
He paid for three more sessions, in advance. – I owed him. That was my first lesson.
I’m in the back of his Tau-rus Cou-pe, this horrid coup,
this Tau-rus is so driven, look how low I’ve come to stoop,
this Taurus is just cancer.
He said he’d send me back to where I came from, if I addressed the anger.
He said relax and think fun thoughts.
I felt my soul become slowly surrounded and I slowly surrendered
in this cold mid numb November of a world.
I’m lowly denying that I’m now just slowly dying.
I’ve watched my future slowly wash away with every shower that I should take.
What else have I to shake?
Maybe it’s me. From what I’ve seen, no one will love me more.
Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m just not working my hardest.
Maybe I’ll sow more seeds at harvest.
I’ve lost all faith in life’s healing surprises; none have come my way.
I no longer have birthdays or first dates.
I don’t believe in friends or in having people around to share love with
‘cause those present in my own feel more like cell mates.
I no longer believe in love at first sight.
And I’m having a difficult time still believing in a better life as a birthright.
I’m no longer optimistic about first nights;
New Year’s resolutions mean so little and I don’t feel so able since that first night.
The aimlessness is the tonic in my tonic and gin.
It’s a slow burn from my throat down to my heart made of tin.
The same men who come by for their stress relief call it a sin.
You call the plays, and I play the game that I will never win.
Who wants to be in love with someone with so many demons?
Sinister me. I don’t believe that anybody’s good,
at the same time, I do believe that I am really, truly, misunderstood.
There’s so much good in me.
Who are the ones responsible?
Please blame my mom in audible. She fell in love with edibles.
She fell in love with men who felt she was dispensable.
Don’t blame my mom, just blame the men who held her hand,
Not like a spouse or like a friend, but like a crutch or like a child who asked for things.
She paid their rent and paid their bills, then she paid dearly when they were near
Their highest peak of liquor cheer meant to suppress and dry their fears/tears.
Who are the ones who hold the ones responsible accountable?
Please call it so, if you have failed me.
Please do not blame me for hiding things
that could have sent me away from home to newer homes of terror.
You’re just a system, I cannot blame you,
you’re just a cistern from where the sorrows may double and the troubled must bobble for hope.
You’ve been looking for youngins just like me,
but when I was told that if I wanted to be so bold
and run away from my troubles into your safer place
where some must sleep with maximum of one eye closed, that’s where you lost me. –
I wish that we could foster a braver vision.
This one was homeless.
This one came from abroad.
This one came from pensions, college savings plans and 401ks. –
The eyes now tell a different story.
We are all seen under the neon sun, but no one knows just what to say.
Even if you spoke to me for days,
it would be less than the judgement emanating clearly from your face. –
It’s best for sure just to ignore my whole existence.
This one came through the system.
This one’s still in it.
These two are students and their school still pledges the allegiance.
This one’s not easily offended.
This one’s been legally offended.
Get caught and get arrested.
He said he’d call them on me.
He said you can’t get paid in this world without doing the dirty.
Now I can’t seem to scrub away the dirty.
On the side of life’s road,
We all were left there stranded – to do what they demanded.
He asked for me to prove that I was not an undercover.
He asked for me to prove my worth under the covers.
Here’s to me being candid, crying is just semantics.
Who are all of these people? I just don’t understand it.
This bed looks not familiar. I just don’t understand why?
I just don’t understand why all the lights.
And when I started coughing, I was just left alone, red-handed. –
[You are loved. Be at peace with today. You still have a future.
There are so many lives that you can transform with your story. Please share.]
Have you read: Rhymes & rhythms a go-go?
Have you read: Rhymes & rhythms a go-go?